Christianity: Overcoming Loneliness
It breaks my heart to have to write this article. Loneliness is one of the worst feelings in the world; there are billions of people on this planet, to know that any one of them feels totally and completely alone is a tragedy.
Right from our creation God makes it known that humans are not meant to be alone. We all know that God created Eve for Adam, so that they could share the beauties, wonders, and responsibilities of Eden. But Adam and Eve were created for more than just union with each other—God also wanted them to have fellowship with Him, just as He wants us to maintain a relationship with Him [Genesis 2].
You’ve probably heard this many times before; you aren’t lonely because you have God—Jesus is always right there with you; God will never leave you nor forsake you. But just because you know this doesn’t mean you feel it, right?
Unfortunately, there is nothing I can do to make you feel God when He is near. There is nothing I can write here to get you to truly know and understand that you are not alone. That is a battle you must fight for yourself—but you aren’t fighting alone.
Just because you don’t feel God near you, doesn’t mean He isn’t.
Just because you don’t feel loved, doesn’t mean you aren’t.
Take a minute and identify why you feel lonely and be honest about it. Many people, especially Christians, try to deny or hide their reasons for feeling lonely because they are ashamed of it. Are you lonely because you just went through a divorce? Because a dear friend just moved away? Because you recently lost a loved one? Because you’re still single?
Let me say this now; It’s OKAY to feel lonely. Even people from the Bible felt loneliness.
In Psalm 25:16 NIV, David cries out to the Lord and says, Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.
Even Christ Jesus felt lonely while He was here on earth, look at how Isaiah describes Him in Isaiah 53:3 NIV, He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.
When Jesus was on the Cross, He cried out to God and felt a sense of loneliness when He said, My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Mark 15:34 NIV
So, don’t ever think there is a reason for you to hide your loneliness. God cannot heal you if you cannot admit you are hurting. There is no reason too small or too petty for God; He loves you eternally and wants you to feel unspeakable joy in Him and the friends and family He has/will give you.
If you are someone feeling lonely because you aren’t married or in a relationship yet, that’s OKAY. God gave Adam a lifelong partner in Eve, its OKAY to desire a spouse or a sweeping, dizzying, take-your-breath-away romance. If you can believe it, God WANTS you to have that! But you cannot hold your happiness hostage. If you refuse to find any joy in your life without a partner, what makes you think your eyes will be opened and you can find happiness with one? Stop placing your happiness on conditions. If you are unhappy in singlehood, marriage will not change that—there are people who have been married for decades who feel very empty and alone. You must find joy and love with Christ before you can truly find it with others.
While God created marriage and enjoys Christian unity, it is possible for you to be happy and righteous before God without being married. A single Christian does not equal an unhappy Christian. So let go of that stubbornness, do not refuse to be joyous and happy just because you are single. God is bigger than a boyfriend or girlfriend, He is more than able to put a genuine smile on your face in singleness and in marriage if you are willing to open your heart to that happiness.
You cannot make yourself happy with solutions from magazines or advice from therapists. You cannot replace a spouse, sibling, best friend, or family member with a girls’ night out, a long bubble bath, or a pet. The only cure to loneliness is Christ Jesus; when you accept that and trust God to heal your emotional wounds, that’s when things will get better.
Yes, it is true that God created Eve to provide Adam with companionship, but don’t forget that God didn’t create Eve the moment Adam asked for a partner. Eve didn’t come about because Adam felt lonely and had been crying out and losing weight because he couldn’t eat due to extreme sadness. No. God saw that it wasn’t good for man to be alone and created Eve when He felt it was necessary. In fact, there is no mention of Adam asking for a partner at all. The only thing we see from Adam’s perspective is that he could not find a suitable partner amongst the animals and livestock and birds [Genesis 2]. That means, a loving pet cannot replace the affection of a human being.
Referring to Spot, your adorable Dalmatian puppy, as your child is cute and all, but God created true companionship and love for humans. Don’t get me wrong, I love my dogs—each and every one—but I have not ever felt that my animals were enough to replace the fellowship I have with my family or even my friends. Its funny and even relatable to say things like, I’d rather be surrounded by dogs than people, but when you say things like this you are trading the companionship of man—those created in the image of God—for that of an animal.
That is not okay.
God can heal your loneliness. He can close your wounds, or He can give you companionship, if that is what you seek. It is okay to pray for a spouse, to pray for deliverance from sadness and depression and loneliness. But it is not okay to try to find a solution on your own; do not seek to remedy loneliness or other negative feelings in unsaved friends, an ungodly romance, or cute pets.
Companionship was created by God because it comes from God. Don’t you see? When Adam spent time with the animals and livestock, no companion could be found [Genesis 2]. But when God took charge and formed a companion that He felt was good and suitable for Adam, Eve was created, and the first marriage was formed.
When you do it yourself, you only find unsuitable partners and lackluster remedies, but when God is the answer, you are given above and beyond what you ask for.
My friend, I am sorry for your loneliness. I am sorry for any negative thoughts and feelings you may have. But please take this article to heart; pray against your negative emotions and ask God for a solution—I’ll be praying for you too!
Doing nice things for yourself is wonderful; a day at the spa, seeing a new movie, etc, but do not think that these things are genuine solutions for a very serious problem. Loneliness is not a joke; it can drive people to very dark emotional places, even to self-harm and possibly suicide.
Cry out to God for help and have the open heart to accept His wisdom and guidance—more importantly, have the patience to trust and wait for His provision in your life. I’ll be praying for every person who reads this article, you’re not alone in this world!
Take a look at these articles to encourage you on this journey in your faith. How to Pray, Being Honest with God, Patience & Faith, Being Positive as A Christian, Praying About Stress & Anger, How to Wait on God. My newest article, Praying for Companionship is available now!